I’ve done a lot of thinking about self-talk, especially lately. First off, what is it? You know that inner voice that always has something to say? Sometimes positive, sometimes negative, but in my mind, usually never quiet. Well, that’s self-talk. It’s what we say to ourselves, whether out loud or in our heads.
The reason I’ve been thinking about it so much lately is because it’s a big part of my life. I’ve realized that my actions are a result of what that voice inside me is saying. That can be dangerous if our self-talk is primarily negative or allows for behavior that we don’t want to represent us. Instead, how can we harness this inner voice and use it to help us grow and be the best version of ourselves? I’ve highlighted 3 steps that have helped me:
Reflect on your inner voice: In order to better navigate your self-talk to a productive place, first, you need to be aware of what you’re saying to yourself, when, and why. Before a big presentation or something that makes you nervous, what is going on in your mind? Are you telling yourself that you will crush it, or are you saying that you’re not going to be good and everyone will hate it? Once you identify the themes of your self-talk, you’ll be better prepared to understand it and use it to your advantage. If you notice that your self-talk tends to focus on the negative or potential failures, ask yourself: why? Our different backgrounds and experiences in life shape a lot of our actions, so to understand the why will be important for your on-going growth.
Start to shift the dialogue: Once we know when our good and bad self-talk takes place, let’s do something about it. Let’s focus on improving both. How can we improve our already positive inner voice? Most of the time, I like to tell myself, “I’ll be amazing in this facilitation, today! I’m going to crush it”. While it sounds good, it’s not really specific. Make that positive self-talk more specific and include outcomes to really push this one step further. “I’m going to use my story-telling to really bring out examples and hook the audience. I’ve been known to tell some great stories and the imagery will stick with the audience and allow them to take away lessons from the training”. Now, let’s focus on the trickier piece, the negative self-talk. This requires more work because it needs us to shift our habits, and we all know that can be difficult. Start with small steps. Friday night, I came back from Dublin and was pretty exhausted by the time I got home. I hadn’t gone to the gym in quite some time because of an ankle injury, but have been wanting to go back (age-old struggle). As I was about to fall asleep, I said to myself, “It’s okay if I sleep in and don’t go to the gym, tomorrow, but it’d be nice if I went”. I caught myself! What? With that type of talk, I know for a fact I’m not going anywhere tomorrow morning because I already gave myself an excuse. In that moment, I forced my inner-voice to change the tone. I said to myself “No. Tomorrow morning, I’ll wake up, wear my gym clothes, and drive over to the gym. I’ll work out for at least 30 minutes (baby steps) and then grab breakfast after. I’m going to feel so great once I get back!” Now this might seem small, but let me tell you! After not going to the gym since November, I went that next morning and was SO proud of myself!
If negative self-talk is a habit of yours, don’t be ashamed. This happens to all of us. A tip to start making positive self-talk more of a habit is to list off 3 positive things about yourself or something you’re doing each day (make sure to really brag because no one is listening except for yourself). Remember - no one will force you to do this and in the craziness of life, it will be hard, but it’s worth it.
Celebrate & keep it going: Once you have a small success, celebrate it. A quick, “I said this to myself yesterday and saw this result” will do. Once that inner voice helps you, my hope is that you feel the difference and it allows you to do more of it. When I’m about to try something I’m scared of, I can make it worse by adding all of my, “what ifs?” or I can quiet that fear up a bit with my “I’ve done [x] before, which makes me qualified to do this”.
If our inner voices helped pushed us to be better and to do more, what could we be capable of? I dare you to give it a go!